I watched Splice over the weekend and now you don’t have to. From a poor storyline to weak characters to a telegraphed ending, it’s a poor movie from start to finish. How big a mess is it?

The basic plot is that Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley are scientists who just created a new life form by splicing together genes from several animals to get a giant slug looking animal. One boy and one girl and they are in love. The new life form can create a needed protein and/or medicine (it was never clear which). But they then want to jump straight to human experiments which is supposed to help cure a bunch of genetic diseases (how is never explained). The people running the lab point out that a human experiment won’t go over well with the public and that they need the protein/medicine genes pulled out to help fund the future research.

Our heroes decide to do the experiment in secret and come out with a creature that looks like a human except for its kangaroo legs and tail that has a poisonous stinger in it (who thought that it would be a good idea to splice in poisonous genes?). And of course things go wrong and then get kinda disgusting. The scientists prove how much they aren’t scientists by not noticing important changes in the original creatures and acting basically stupid with the human hybrid. Overall it’s a bad movie that should have been killed at birth. Not Recommended.